So Monday was the big day.
For the first time ever, I had second thoughts. On Sunday night, as I lay in bed, I felt like not showing up for surgery. Totally douchey, I know. And, not something I would do. I just wasn’t sure if I had made the right decision. Well, you don’t wait two months for an appointment with a doctor and then another month for surgery and then just decide the night before that you don’t want to do it.
On Monday, as I was waiting for my IVs, I again had second thoughts. I wanted to bail. Why? I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired of this. I’m tired of surgery.
We almost ran into a snafu with getting my Mirena IUD. I had let the doctor’s office know the week before that we were going to move forward with this. Apparently, they didn’t get him the message and he showed up to surgery without one. Oh well. It wasn’t the end of the world if it didn’t happen. Anywho, he is so awesome that he was able to track one down and get one from a colleague. Woo hoo!
Things went well and rather quickly on Monday. I’m not 100% clear on exactly what was found. The doctor didn’t meet with my husband in the waiting room, so he called his cell phone. He didn’t reach him and left him a message. As for the attending physician coming to speak with me…well, he might of. I don’t remember if he did. For all I know, we could’ve had a full discussion about the meaning of life. From what I understand, he did not find any active endo lesions. Well that was a surprise, but it’s great news. It may mean that my endo has improved following pregnancy. Wow, is it possible that I could actually catch a break??? I HOPE SO! I am hopeful that this is what I think it means. At the very least, it means that the continuous birth control pills have helped to control the condition (if it did return following my daughter’s birth). That too is pretty awesome! The doctor did find adhesions, however, and removed those. How bad they were, etc., I don’t know. I’m curious if they were stuck to my ovaries or not. The fact that there were adhesions and not endo growths confirmed a few things for me:
- A C-Section is not the ideal method of delivery for me given my adhesion history and that that is what has been causing me so much pain and not the endo;
- Choosing to try Lupron again would not have been a good idea given that Lupron treats the endo, not adhesions. I would have gained more weight and the problem would have still been there;
- Surgery was the only thing that was going to fix my current pain problem; and
- Perhaps we’re starting to turn a corner with this condition!
I am happy. I am looking forward to a discussion with the doctor when I am coherent. I think things may finally improve for me. The adhesions are gone (even though more can still form), but it should give me some relief for a while…at least until I’m ready to try for baby #2.
At the same time, today, things kind of hit me. I sat on the floor with my daughter and cried. She played and gave me the best hugs and kisses tonight. It’s amazing how they know when you are sad. I am incredibly bloated and that’s to be expected. But, I am afraid I may need to bust out the maternity pants next week. Ugh. The thought is beyond devastating. I may work from home just to avoid having to get dressed.
My husband wasn’t sure why I was so sad. I told him that I’m done. I’m tired of this. He gently reminded me that there was no endo inside me and that makes me happy. Yet, we still have this adhesion problem. I’m hoping though, that they will not cause me trouble for a couple more years anyway. I’m being positive about it. It’s just frustrating. If it’s not one problem, it’s another. And I have two problematic problems!
Overall though, besides the bloat, I am doing well. I have barely taken any pain meds today. The only thing that is still giving me trouble is the gas which is lodged in my shoulders and neck. It stinks. I have been nauseous too as a result of the gas. I thought it was the pain meds and then realized that once I burped, I started to feel better. I have not wanted to eat because of the nausea and that only makes it worse. I was able to lay down and sleep in my bed last night and that helped things tremendously. Sleeping on the recliner is not helping my back at all! The hardest part has not being able to pick up my daughter. She comes up to me and wants to be picked up and I just can’t do it. It makes me sad. I think by next week I’ll be able to though. The hospital told me no lifting for a month, but I don’t think I’ll still be so fragile that I won’t be able to. We shall see.