I am really starting to love blogging! I have found some wonderful other women who are, sadly, in the same or similar situation as myself.
I debated whether or not to write this post because after a while of saying the same thing over and over again, you have to start asking yourself, are you really complaining again??? Why YES, yes I am!
My hubby and I had a “family fun day” planned today. We had plans to go out with our daughter, get some exercise in (walking), do some shopping, go out to lunch, etc. He asked if I even wanted to go and pretty much insisted we didn’t. I didn’t want to let my pain get the best of me. So, I sucked it up and off we went. I guess I have a battle with this bitch named Endo! I don’t want to let her win. But, do I just defeat myself when I “push through” all the pain? I only end up hurting during and/or later anyway, so what’s the point? We had a wonderful day out, but I honestly felt completely awful all day…and now.
I don’t know how it’s possible to be worse. I am almost 3 weeks post-op. I can accept not seeing an improvement by now (which I usually do). But, I will not accept getting worse. My husband asked me if I wanted to check in with the doc and I told him no. They might tell me it’s too early to know (even though I know my body). Honestly, I have no idea what they’ll tell me since this is the first time I’ve worked with this physician at my hospital. He is wonderful and the office is wonderful. Afterall, all he deals with is endometriosis and women with reproductive problems. He is so mild mannered that I can’t imagine he would blow me off and tell me to wait it out. I guess I feel that I should wait it out so that I can know for sure.
I brought the good drugs out with me today. I haven’t taken pain meds in over a week. Last week I put them down and said I was done. I stayed on them longer than normal following a laparoscopy. I just don’t want to take a pill today and then in a day or two feel the same and rely on another pill to get me by. Endo is truly a vicious cyclical bitch! I have to admit I’m shocked that I haven’t been swearing more in my posts since I generally have the mouth of truck driver (no offense to truck drivers)!
Endo is a disease which affects your entire body and if it doesn’t affect your whole body, if affects just enough major parts of it to fuck with you. My weight has gone up due to different endo treatments (so now I have a weight issue, awesome!). I’m overweight and it makes me depressed (great, now I need meds to deal with anxiety and depression!). My entire abdomen hurts – sometimes I’m lucky enough that it’s just my ovaries. Sex with my husband can be difficult (and now we have a 3rd member to our relationship; awesome!).
Endometriosis doesn’t just affect your reproductive organs – it messes with all of you as my followers likely already know!!! And the fact that there isn’t a cure just makes the future look bleak.